When Luisa was born, I cried for two weeks straight. Baby blues for sure. It stopped for the most part around week three with only the occasional melt down over nothing. By week 8, I had joined Stroller Strides, attached my self to two other new moms and felt pretty good about the whole motherhood thing.
Christmas time rolled around and all of a sudden, I totally lost my shit. I am not completely sure I ever had it, but I was sure I lost it. Not only was I crying ALL the time, I was eternally pissy....even with close friends. I felt like the only new mom in the world. And then I felt stupid for feeling that way because HELLO? We clearly have a population problem so there were plenty of other crazies doing exactly what I was doing too. I knew I had to get a handle on myself. I had suffered a bit of depression about six months after my mom died so I knew I was prone.
I was out mailing some gifts for Christmas on the 22nd of December. I stood in line at the post office for almost an hour and then in my "new baby haze", told the guy I was mailing wine. Yep, I actually said that. Guess what.... YOU CAN'T MAIL WINE!!! I know, you already know that hunh. So did I. I fought back the tears and yelling and snuck out the door. I walked into the next post office prepared to lie my ass off and got in line behind a lovely little family of three, the baby being about Luisa's age. I lost it. Crying hysterically. For. No. Reason.
I went home, sat down beside my husband and told him I had some post partum depression. "What are you going to do?" he asked. "I don't know, call my doctor and get some meds." I said. "Really? Don't you think you could control it with some vitamins, food and more exercise?" I shit you not. This sentence came out of his mouth and he still has no idea of the feud between Tom Cruise and Brooke Shields.
This is the point where my head blew up into a million bloody little pieces all over our beautiful little baby and our living room. I sent "Tom Cruise" away, called my nurse Cookie (LOVE me some Cookie) packed up that pretty little baby and went to get some good drugs!!!
The drugs made me feel instantly better, they helped me get out of the house more with Luisa and THEY SAVED MY HUSBAND'S LIFE! Thank you makers of Lexapro. My husband is indebted to you.
The Beginning in the End
3 weeks ago